


Malfunction

by JamesAeza



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Cyborgs, Gen, Human Experimentation, Human Sides (Sanders Sides), Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Science Fiction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 08:33:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 8,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23848240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JamesAeza/pseuds/JamesAeza
Summary: Logan has a secret. He's not entirely human, never has been and never will be. Can he keep it under wraps, and is he the only one with a secret?
Comments: 12
Kudos: 88





	1. Headache

Present day

He tried to remember to breathe slowly, methodically, like he should to remain calm. It was odd, he thought, that despite having been through thirty-four surgeries in his short sixteen years of life, he still wasn't quite used to the anxieties, the knowing he'd be in pain when he woke up, the knowledge that with each one, he got further and further away from being normal.

He should be used to it.

But he wasn't.

Even though his emotions and human reactions were dulled from the wiring in his brain, from the pieces of him that had been robot since his first surgery, which had occurred several minutes after his birth and had sealed his fate with several small bits of metal. He'd even been genetically altered to be a flawless superhuman.

A cyborg, who could only control himself when he wasn't being controlled remotely from a computer. They could shoot pain through his body, or completely knock him out just with the push of a button.

They as in the team of researchers working with him. They weren't all bad, though. Some of them were, treating him as nothing more than a lab rat. Others were the closest thing he had to family.

A bio mom who had given him up for science and allowed his DNA to be altered before he was even born? He didn't want to meet her, and he doubted she wanted to meet him. She had condemned him to a life of tests and surgeries and robotic parts before he could even open his eyes.

Today they were just altering the computer connection to the tech in his head, so it shouldn't be as bad as some days. Elliot, one of the worse ones, was in charge today, but he hoped Sasha would be in to comfort him later. She usually did after a taxing experience like having his brain tampered with.

He felt a little silly for hoping Sasha would be in, but his mind and body would be in turmoil and he could use her gentle voice and touch guiding him back into reality.

As he felt his arm pricked by a needle, he shut his eyes and began counting down from ten, knowing that before he got to zero he would be awake and it would all be over.

10...

He'd been through this so many times before, he could pull through again.

9...

There was nothing he could do, he'd passed the point of no return.

8...

He just had to remember to breathe.

7...

Soon he'd be awake and okay and hopefully someone would be there with him, the recoveries where he was alone were always the worst.

6...

He could feel his consciousness slipping, reality was becoming distorted and soon there would be nothing left.

5...

Falling through time and space.

4...

3...

2...

1..

He opened his eyes with a sharp inhale and was snapped back into his senses by a pounding headache. Everything around him was still a bit blurry, but that was to be expected. He was relieved to see a tall younger woman with curly brown hair sitting in the corner. She stepped toward him upon seeing that he was awake.

"Logan, you doing okay?" Her voice was soft, as always. He liked to imagine that this was what it was like to have a mother figure. Her hand gently brushed his forehead before she activated the small computer that was with her to monitor him.

He couldn't talk yet, but that was normal. He nodded his head and then placed it back on the pillow after a sharp pain right through his skull. He mentally checked the rest of his body. Nothing out of the ordinary.

He lifted his mechanical hand, then his normal hand, trying to make a fist with each one just to see if he could. He shook out his legs, neither of which was very human. He couldn't even wear shorts because people would see the mechanics. Same with his arms and short-sleeved shirts. Even his chest was half silver, painfully reminding him that he'd never be a brother, or a husband, or a son. He was an experiment, and that was all he'd ever be.

Sasha sat down on his bed, pressing a button to release painkillers, which he could feel the effects of immediately. He pushed himself up into a sitting position.

"Hey, take it easy, kiddo. How are ya feeling?"

Hearing her call him 'kiddo', his lips tugged into a shadow of a smile. Patton, his friend from school, always called him that. Patton wanted to be regarded as a dad type, which was a little silly, and Logan would never admit that with the lack of any other fatherly figure in his life, Patton was the closest he had.

He coughed before speaking in that voice that always surprised him with how small it sounded.

"Yeah, I'm okay."

As okay as he could be.

"Okay. I have to do this now. Close your eyes."

He obediently shut them, knowing what she would do. This part was easy at least.

"What do you see?" She asked.

He described the abstract picture in his mind, knowing that she was projecting the image in.

"Okay, sounds good. Sorry to do this to you so soon, but can you stand up?"

"Probably."

He slowly swung his legs off of the big white bed, reluctantly putting a little weight on one leg, then the other. They would hold up. He stood, a little wobbly, but holding up.

Looking down at himself, he saw the white t-shirt and shorts he wore, showcasing just how much of him was robotic.

Feeling himself about to topple, he quickly sat back down, rubbing the smooth metal that showed on top like skin.

"Alright, why don't you just rest? We'll keep monitoring you through the night as always, but you can sleep."

He nodded gratefully, lying back down and feeling his consciousness slip almost the second he closed his eyes and allowing himself to relax.


	2. Puppet

Flashback - 5 years ago

Logically, he knew he'd have to get the leg implants whether he cooperated or not. But he also knew that after this procedure, he would never walk, or feel his own legs, quite the same ever again. They'd work differently, and probably objectively better, but he wished he didn't have to give up his real ones.

He felt useless tears push at his eyes.

"Please," he whimpered, even though he knew it was pointless. "Don't make me do it."

Elliot shook his head in disgust and annoyance. "Come on, Logan. You know you're only going to make it worse for yourself."

Logan wasn't even really his name, but calling him 'Ex.L029pqR93' got old pretty fast. Logan was an affectionate nickname coming from most of them, but coming out of Elliot's mouth, it just sounded chilling.   
Elliot took another step closer to the shaking boy. "Come on. Is this really how you want this to go?"

Logan inched further away, still leaning on the wall, shivering. He thought about calling for one of the other ones, but he knew they couldn't help him. This was a requirement.

"Please stop doing this to me. I don't want to be your puppet anymore. I'm not a toy."

He'd always been very articulate, even as a child. But even as he said the words, he knew they weren't true. He was just a toy to them.

Elliot rolled his eyes. "I'd be careful how you talk to me."

He pulled a small computer out of his pocket, and with the push of a few keys, Logan felt pain and nausea stab through his chest. He slid down the wall to break his fall, still slamming the ground hard. He struggled to regain control of himself, but there was no hope anymore.

He felt Elliot's strong arms around him, lifting up his skinny frame, and depositing him carelessly on a bed. Next thing he knew, even less of his body was his own.


	3. Didn't Choose This

Present day

It had been a few days since his last surgery, and the time had come to stop lying around and start thinking about returning to school.

Yes, he did attend a public high school, which was a little strange. He'd been going to school since the normal age of five years old, and he'd kept his identity secret from all of his classmates. Even Patton, which he did feel guilty about.

He already knew he was a freak. He wanted to keep one part of his life normal. Was that too much to ask?

Apparently it was. He knew his friends worried, but he really just wanted nothing more than to be a normal high school boy. Hang out with friends, study for tests, maybe even have some sort of romance.

Unfortunately, none of those things really worked out for him. The time he had to hang out was limited because he always had to be back at the lab, he didn't need to study, just program in answers, and he knew that he would owe it to any romantic partner to tell them just who, or rather what, he was.

He'd missed almost a week of classes to convalesce, and while he knew he could easily catch up, he wished he didn't have to.

He was snapped out of his thoughts by Jay's voice in his head.

"Are you going to school today?"

He glanced at the time. 7:40am. He could still make it.

"Yeah, sure."

"Okay, I'm taking you today. Be out in fifteen."

"Sounds good."

He heard the beep and knew that Jay was out. Feeling his cell phone vibrate, he picked it up, knowing it would be either his best friend Patton, Virgil, or Roman. Roman was a horribly annoying and loud drama queen whom Logan, for some reason, had to work on a project with, and Virgil was a quiet emo whom he was tutoring in academics during lunch hours and occasionally after school.

The message was from Roman, and it read:

"r u coming or do i have to do this whole stupid project myself?"

"Yes, I am."

He'd been told he didn't know how to text, but proper grammar had been literally programmed into him for years. He probably couldn't even physically type 'u' instead of 'you', not that he wanted to try.

"see ya. u better have a good excuse for ditching."

He chose to ignore that comment. Instead he messaged Virgil.

"Hello. I'll be returning today, so if you'd like to meet up we can do so in the library."

The response was speedy, as usual.

"yeah sounds good."

Checking the time again, he grabbed his bag and headed out to meet Jay. The ride passed mostly in silence. After two years he still wasn't quite comfortable with Jay. He'd always been polite, but it still felt intrusive. Not like Sasha, who he'd known as long as he could remember. Not even like Elliot, who, though awful, he was used to.

He arrived at the building on time and mentally prepared himself for the neverending ray of sunshine that was Patton.

"Logan!"

That would be him.

Patton threw his arms around Logan's neck, who stood there awkwardly, never sure how to react to physical affection. There was also the thought that Patton might feel something that shouldn't be there, but he hadn't had a problem thus far.

"You can't just disappear like that! Where were you?"

"I told you last week. I was in surgery."

Patton's face changed from excitement to see him and mild worry to pure shock.

"You didn't tell me that. How could you just not tell me that?"

He adjusted his glasses uncomfortably.

"Apologies, Patton. I thought you were informed of the situation."

Although he didn't share the nature of his medical procedures with people he knew from school, he'd let them know the gist of where he'd be. As far as everyone knew, he had a chronic medical condition that he didn't like talking about, and he often had to miss school to deal with it. For the most part people respected his boundaries.

"Well, are you okay? How did it go?"

"I can assure you that all went as planned and I am perfectly all right. Now I should be going to class and you should too."

"Logan, don't try to walk away from this conversation. You can't just forget to tell me that you were having surgery! We're talking about this at lunch."

"I can't. I'm spending lunch with Virgil."

"Fine. But we aren't done with this."

Logan was already walking away.

The majority of the day passed uneventfully. Virgil was actually strangely nice to him, considering the 'I couldn't care less' persona he put up for the rest of the school.

Maybe it was because he knew that Logan could see right through his false front. He hid behind dark hoodies and dyed purple hair but in reality, he cared too much, felt too deep, and worried over everything.

In all honesty, Logan often found himself feeling a bit envious of how intensely he seemed to experience emotions.

Then it was time to prepare for seventh period chemistry. He did not want to talk to Roman, or work with him, or even look at him.

He slid into his seat in the messy classroom. The teacher and a few other students greeted him and asked where he'd been.

And then, almost late as usual, was the boy with that intentionally sloppy pale brown hair and black hoodie with red roses. Which was a fashion trend that Logan could not understand.

"What's up, nerd?"

Clearly Roman thought he was funny. Logan was not amused.

"Where the hell were you? I had to do practically the whole thing myself."

He didn't want to share his personal business with Roman, but he did want to shut him up.

"I had to have a surgery."

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah. For sure."

Logan sighed quietly. "Would you like to finish it after school."

"Can't. I'm starting at my new job." He slammed the pencil down and looked up at Logan, who was a good four inches taller than him. "You're welcome to, though."

"Very well. I'll do that."

"Good."

After that was an uncomfortable silence as they both worked quietly.


	4. You?

"Hey Logan?"

He turned away from his book and towards Sasha, who was standing in the door frame. He could easily just download the book into his head, but he enjoyed the feeling of a paper novel. "Yes?"

"I need to tell you something. Can I come in?"

He nodded and set the book on the floor. "Sure."

She smiled. "Thanks. Okay," she began, sitting on his bed and positioning herself to face him. "So you know that we occasionally hire new staff members, obviously. I'm sure you remember when we brought Jay on, it was just two years ago."

"You hired someone new?" He asked.

"Yeah. I interviewed him and I think you'll really like him. Here's the thing though- it might take some getting used to to have him around, because he's your age. He has also agreed to be part of some physical experimentation that will involve linking the two of you."

"Really?" Someone his own age working with him? Having control of him? And what exactly did 'linking' mean?

"Yep. He's going to meet you today at six."

Logan glanced at the clock. That was just two hours away. "And you didn't tell me sooner?"

She shrugged. "I'm sorry, but you know how it is."

He did know how it was. No one ever told him anything.

He looked down at himself. Black sweater and blue jeans. That should be enough to hide most of it. After a second thought, he slipped on his black fingerless gloves as a protection. Even though the person would already know everything, he always hoped to be seen as a person first, and experiment second.

He sat in the front room, which was surprisingly normal looking. Sofas, security, all the weird stuff was upstairs. He'd been told he was meeting the other boy in here with Elliot, and then they'd all probably go up together to show the new guy around. This was going to be awkward.

He did not enjoy introducing new staff. It always felt so invasive, the way they could put things into his mind or shut his body down and he didn't even know them. Even with Elliot at least he was familiar, like having some sort of awful older brother.

As he fidgeted with the gloves covering the metal bits on his hands and wrists, the door opened slowly, almost hesitantly. He couldn't see them yet, but the voice seemed oddly familiar.

"Hey, is this the right place?"

As he stepped inside, Logan suddenly seemed to lose his ability to breathe properly. He could see his shock mirrored in the other boy.

They spoke almost in unison, each almost as unhappy about their predicament as the other.

"Logan?"

"Roman?"


	5. Secrets

Walking around the building where he'd grown up with Elliot as well as Roman was a rather unreal experience. He tried to stay polite, but he felt like he was going to throw up.

Showing him the rooms where he lived, went into surgery, and the computer room from where they could remotely control and program Logan.

They even gave him a small pocket tablet from which he could use minor controls, which Logan was less than excited about.

At the end of the meeting, they had to sit down with the overseer of the whole project, an older man who Logan met with weekly. He just couldn't bring himself to like Mr. Axel. He wasn't awful, but Logan knew that everything that happened to him could be traced back to this man.

"Logan and Mr..."

"I'm Roman Prince, sir."

"Ah, yes. Roman. I'd like to sit down with the two of you today and discuss what we want done in physical terms. Then you can give a legal informed consent." Logan had never once given consent.

"That sounds good. So what are your plans?" It was odd to see Roman acting so polite.

And why was he agreeing to this? Logan would give anything not to be what he was. How could he be so ready to sacrifice his humanity?

Then again, it wouldn't really be the same thing. In comparison to Logan, they'd barely make a dent in him.

Then they were shaking hands and saying goodbye, and Logan knew he'd been tuning out. It's not like it mattered if he knew anyway, it would still happen.

He quickly stood up. "I'll see you out."

Elliot nodded in agreement, and he silently took the lead, Roman a few steps behind him. As soon as they were out of earshot, Roman whispered,

"Dude, really? You're... y'know. That?"

Logan sighed. "Yes, I am, as you so well put it, 'that'."

As they reached the door, Logan threw it open and pulled Roman out by the arm after him, into the dark evening downpour. His voice took on an almost dangerous tone as he whispered,

"You can't tell anyone about this. Especially Pat. He worries, you know."

Roman shook his head. "I don't even know what to think."

Logan raised his eyebrows, and Roman dropped his head, taking on a quiet tone.

"And, no. I want this under wraps as much as you do."

Logan was about to ask what that meant, but Roman pulled his arm out of the other boy's tight, angry grasp and walked quickly down the street, pulling his hood over his carefully styled hair. Logan watched him go for a moment before ducking back inside, shaking out his soggy hair and pulling off his soaked shirt, revealing metal, shiny from the water. 

"I'm telling you Sasha, I can't do it." She was in his room that night, fiddling about with wires and plugs in his chest.

"And I'm telling you, I know it's awful, but there's nothing I can do about it."

"Nothing. You can't do anything?"

She pushed a green circular plug into an outlet, and he jolted forward before falling back onto the pillows he was propped up on.

"Jesus woman, watch what you're doing with those."

"Sorry," she yanked it back out, hardly staying gentle. "And no."

He sighed. "Really, I may have to throw myself off a bridge if he stays."

"You wouldn't because you're too expensive."

He frowned, annoyed, then snatched a wire out of her hand. "If you put that in there, I will get an electric shock."

"Well the instructions are not that easy to follow," she muttered, handing him the page. He scanned it quickly, taking in and downloading all of it in a few seconds.

"They're really not that hard." He rolled his eyes, gently inserting the wire in the correct hole.

"Okay, computer brain," she said, grabbing the page back, "Where does this one go?"

"Here," he pointed.

"Alright, just a few more now."

"Thank God."

After Sasha had gone, he laid in his bed, feeling the energy from the cords buzz through him, and thinking about his unfortunate predicament. Why did it have to be Roman, of all people? Anyone else, and he could at least take it. But him?

The next day, he really did try to act normal. But at least Patton and Virgil could see something was off, and a few other classmates asked if he was doing okay. He'd forced a smile and told them he was fine, but he was far from it.

During lunch, Virgil had brushed his sleeve, lifting it up and showing a small sliver of what should be his arm. He'd immediately yanked it back down, making sure he hadn't seen, not that it had ever happened before. Virgil gave him a strange look but didn't press.

Yep. Paranoia. Well, not exactly. He didn't like that word, and Virgil got upset whenever he used it. More like an unhealthy amount of concern.

"Logan?"

He flinched. No matter how hard he tried to get used to it, something in Virgil's tone always reminded him of Elliot.

"You okay?"

"Of course I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be okay? Now, where's your math homework?"

"Okay then." It was pretty clear that Virgil was suspicious about something, but it wasn't like he could guess.

When period seven came, he was not excited to talk to Roman. As the other boy slid into his seat mere seconds before the bell, he looked away, wishing they could ignore everything.

To his surprise, Roman looked equally uncomfortable. As the teacher began drawling about something or other that Logan probably already knew, he turned to Roman.

"You need to quit. I can't do this, really."

"You think I want this?" he answered in a fierce whisper.

Logan rubbed the back of his neck. "Why else would you do it?"

He rolled his eyes dramatically. "It's not really your business, is it?"

"Well, we are both about to be quite in each other's business pretty soon."

"Look." he turned to Logan, finally looking him in the eye. "You don't know me. Everything you think you know probably isn't true. And I don't have to tell you shit."

"You don't think I'm owed an explanation?"

"I-" Roman began, but then they both seemed to realize at the same time that the rest of the room was silent. They'd started yelling at each other without noticing or intending to. He noticed Virgil and Patton staring from another table, and looked away.

Fortunately, Logan was saved from the situation by his name being called over the intercom.

"Could Logan E please report to the counselor's office?"

He looked up, confused, then slowly got to his feet and left the classroom, feeling the eyes on his back.

"Logan. Please sit down." The counselor was an older, chubby, overly sweet woman with short red curls.

He carefully perched on the edge of the seat. He just wanted to know why he was here, although admittedly the intervention had been well-timed.

"I received a note from a student who wishes to remain anonymous. They think that you might be engaging in self-destructive behaviors."

"What?"

"As in, self harm. Generally cutting. I'd like to tell you that I'll have to inform your legal guardian, and if you ever need anything, I'm here."

"Oh, no," he stood up quickly. "I'm quite all right, but thank you." It was too bad that Elliot would be the contact, he was going to make a big deal out of this. "May I go back to class now?"

"Well, yes. Just know that I'm always here for the students at this school."

"Yes. Thank you ma'am."

He left the room as quickly as possible, head buzzing. Who had said that? Then it hit him. His odd behavior during lunch. Virgil had thought he was covering something else. He would have to have a word with that boy.

He decided to bother him at his locker after seventh hour was over.

Walking up to him, Logan could see Virgil notice him and he could see that he looked a little guilty. As he reached his locker, Logan sighed.

"Come on, Virgil. Why would you do that?"

"Oh, you know why."

"No, I don't know. I've never done anything like that in my life, and this is going to cause problems for me at home."

"I don't know if that's true."

"And what makes you think you know that? You didn't consider the possibility that you were wrong?"

Virgil closed his eyes. "Look."

He pulled up the sleeves of his sweatshirt, showing hundreds of now white lines decorating his wrists.

As his friend approached, he pulled them back down. "I know what it looks like."

Virgil was, for some reason, friends with Roman's brother, who, if this was even possible, was worse than Roman himself. He was so loud, and nothing he said or did seemed to make sense.

"Yo Virge, what are you doing with the nerd?"

Logan sighed and turned on his heel. He walked away, shocked, leaving Virgil to sort that out.


	6. Mistakes

He pushed open the door, getting ready to talk to Elliot, who was standing in the doorway to the staircase. He knew that stance. There would be trouble.

“Elliot.” He could hear his voice take on a layer of anxiety.

“Logan.” He tapped his cellphone. “I heard you got in trouble at school today.”

He knew it wouldn’t do him any good, but he still chose to present the facts. “I did not get in trouble, I was falsely reported by another student for engaging in self harmful habits.”

“Come on. We talked about this.”

He knew what Elliot was referring to. It had been just two years ago, after all.

“I know that situation was… unfortunate, but I can promise that it’s not true this time.”

He had just wanted to be normal. Was that really too much to ask? Trying to cut the metal off of himself was probably not the best choice, but he really just couldn’t take it anymore and was out of ideas. He had been found before he’d gone deep into his head, knowing he’d probably die but not caring much either way.

“You have to believe me.” He could hear the pleading tone, and he hated it. He hated being at the mercy of someone whom he did not even like.

“I don’t believe you.” With that came the sensation he was expecting, the loss of control. He dropped to his knees, struggling to look up.

“We can’t risk that. I’m sure you understand.” He felt Elliot slap the cold handcuffs around his wrists and drag his light frame to his feet, swinging him into his strong arms and climbing the stairs. He was still half awake when he was dropped onto the bed, then lost all consciousness, giving up and letting himself let go.

He had a hazy feeling and familiar headache when he woke up. He tried to lift his arm to rub his forehead, but found he couldn’t move it. Both his hands were bound to the bed, he tried shaking them loose but to no avail. He finally just lifted his head to see if anyone was there with him. Surprisingly enough, it was Roman.

“Oh God,” he muttered below his breath, wishing that the pompous teenager wouldn’t see him like this. But there was no point. This was how it was going to be now.

As Roman turned over to him, Logan expected the usual sassy remark or witty insult, but he really just looked sad.

“Why would you do that?”

“I.. didn’t. Well, not this time. But if you were in my place, you’d understand why I did it that one time.”

“I see.”

“Can you untie me?”

“No, I’m not allowed.”

From there, they descended into an uncomfortable silence. Logan was the first to break it.

“Do you know where Sasha is?”

“She isn’t coming in today. Family issue.”

“Ah.”

After a few more seconds, Roman spoke again.

“Did you want to die? When you did it, I mean.”

“I…” For the first time, Logan was finding himself without the right words. “I… no. I didn’t, not exactly. I wouldn’t have been particularly upset if I did, but... it wasn’t my sole intention.”

Roman just nodded slowly. He looked almost vulnerable.

“I just…” But it only lasted a moment before he seemed to realize what he was doing and flip back into his normal setting. “It was a dumb thing to do.”

“I know,” Logan answered. “Believe me, I know.”

He just had to wait on Sasha. She’d explain. He knew she’d been called, but she was still with her family, and he hated to be the one to take that away from her. But emergencies were emergencies, and she had to talk some sense into Elliot. Roman had left hours ago, but here he was.

He got the message in his mind a few minutes later. “I’m on my way. I’ll have you out in twenty.”

“Thanks. Elliot’s being… you know.”

“Yep, I know. Just hang in there.”

He listened to the ticking of the clock as he waited. After what felt like an eternity, he heard the door unlock and swing open, then distant yelling that he could only catch pieces of.

“You’re acting irrational-”

“Me? He’s acting irrational-”

“Well you can’t-”

“Well stop-”

“He’s a person too!”

Then he heard her storming up the steps, muttering to herself about unintelligent men as she entered his room. Then her voice softened. “Hey.”

“Hello.”

She gently got to work on the straps tying his arms down.

“Did you really?”

“No, I did not. I can’t believe you all actually think I did. Once was quite enough for me.”

She smiled sadly. “I’m gonna have to check anyway.”

“I know.”

He shook out his wrists, now marked from the struggle and how tight the bindings had been.

She helped him sit up and take off his shirt, carefully tracing the metal to make sure all was as it should be.

“Well, you look all right. I’ll let the others know.”

“Thank you. For coming.”

“Of course. I had to. Now just.. Be careful with yourself.” She left the room, shutting the door behind her. He looked around, rubbing his raw wrists. It was night, the lights were off, and the room was almost dark enough to match his thoughts.

There was only one thing left to do.

He picked up his cell phone with shaking hands, opening the contact that read Dad and selecting call.

He didn’t want to depend on Patton, or have to call him, but sometimes everything was just too much. He immediately heard the other boy’s friendly, sympathetic voice. It was the voice of someone you knew you could trust.

“Hey, Logan, what’s up?”

“Ah, Patton, I… I’m sorry to bother you so late.”

“No, it’s totally okay. You call whenever you need me, alright? Now what’s up?”

“I-” he took a breath in. Calm. Slow. “I’m kinda having a rough time. Just… Distract me. Please.”

“Well sure, kiddo. Okay, I have a new joke!”

Logan smiled, placing all his attention in Patton’s gentle, caring, and silly chatter. He talked about everything, and about nothing. And Logan listened, willing his mind to be anywhere but where he was.


	7. Connection

He’d been avoiding Virgil since the incident.

Logically, he knew that there was no way for the other boy to know what would happen, and that he really had wanted to help. But he just couldn’t shake the knowledge that his wrists were raw and covered with circles of bruises thanks to him.

“Logan!” He could hear Virgil running down the hall to catch up with him, but he just tried to walk faster. He suddenly felt someone grab his arm from the back. He quickly spun around, coming face to face with that bright purple hair and dark questioning eyes.

He sighed, deciding to just face up to it. “What do you want?”

“Logan, really.” Virgil was taller than him, and bigger. And more popular. Logan looked up, unsure of how comfortable he was with this dynamic. “You can’t still be mad about that.”

“Yes I can. That wasn’t yours to tell.”

“If I thought you were in danger, then it’s just a responsibility.”

“Well, I wasn’t in danger. If anything, it’s worse now.”

“Logan, come on. How bad was it?”

He pulled up his left sleeve, just enough to show the swollen purple skin. “That bad.”

“Oh shit.” Virgil looked shocked. “Can we talk in private later?”

Logan couldn’t say he wanted to, but he didn’t want to cause a scene. “Okay. Fine.” He pulled out of Virgil’s grasp and stalked down the hallway.

When he got back that day, after avoiding Virgil, Roman was already there. It was odd that he’d gotten there so fast.

Elliot greeted them both at the door.

“Okay guys. Everyone’s in today, including some doctors you’ll meet soon, and everything’s set up. You’ll both go under at the same time and-”

“Wait,” Logan interrupted. “I’m having a surgery today?”

“You both are,” Elliot continued.

Logan turned to the other. “Did you know about this?”

He nodded slowly, and Logan once again reminded himself that this was normal, they never told him anything. He just had to go with the flow.

He had just politely greeted the women who would be performing the operation, and he was extremely busy being angry.

He was angry at Elliot for being horrible.

He was angry at Sasha for not telling him, even though he knew she couldn’t.

He was angry with the surgeons for agreeing to perform a non consensual procedure.

These feelings weren’t new, but now they were coupled with anger at Roman. He just wanted him to exit this piece of his life. They could bicker and argue and even shout at school, and he wouldn’t complain about Roman’s arrogance even once if he just left this alone.

But he didn’t, and here they were. And he was about to have some sort of weird mental connection with Roman, whatever that meant. Once again, they hadn’t bothered to tell him.

As Elliot unlocked the door to the room, there was one bed more than normal. Logan flopped down and started trying to ready himself, used to the drill by now. Roman, on the other hand, was still lingering in the doorway.

“Come on,” Logan sighed. “Hurry up. You chose this, after all.”

Roman shook his head. “You really don’t get it, do you?”

“What don’t I get?”

“That I can’t just up and leave. If I could, I would, in an instant-”

He seemed to realize who he was talking to and that he had shared more than he would have liked. “Never mind. It’s not important.”

Logan gestured at the bed. “Let’s just get this over with, huh?”

Roman took a deep breath. “Okay.” He gingerly set himself down on the bed, not relaxing into it. Logan felt an ounce of sympathy push at him.

“Remember to breathe. Don’t open your eyes. Just count down from ten and it’ll be over.”

For once, the voice that answered him wasn’t full of arrogance and over-the-top drama.

“Okay.”

Roman just sounded scared.

As Logan felt the needle prick his arm, he resigned himself to his fate and started counting down from ten.

He was used to waking up stiff, tired, and with a pounding skull, but Roman didn’t seem to be faring quite as well. Every muscle in his body was tensed, and his face was in his pillow.

Logan stretched out his achy muscles, mentally scanning himself to find what was different, but nothing stood out. He turned his head to the side, finding Sasha waiting for him as usual. He squinted at her through the suddenly too-bright lights of the room.

“How are you?” she asked.

“I’m… okay. How’s Roman?

She looked over at Roman, who was trying his best to stifle his groans with the pillow.

“He’s… Pulling through. He’s not exactly used to it like you are.”

“I see that. So what exactly did you do?”

“For right now, you should pretty much be able to send messages directly to each other without any outside interference.”

He rubbed his head. “I guess that’s not that bad, then.”

“It’s not, no.” then she turned her head over to Roman, who still seemed to be struggling. “Maybe we should help him out.”

Logan chuckled a little. “Yeah. I can try.” He slid off the bed, a little wobbly on his legs, and sat gingerly on Roman’s bed next to him. Trying to replicate Sasha’s calming touch, he placed his hand on the other boy’s shoulder.

Maybe he and Roman didn’t get along, but Logan wouldn’t have wished this on anyone.

Roman flopped onto his back, squeezing the pillow in his arms.

“Díos.”

“You said it. You okay?”

Roman sighed, sloppily shoving hair out of his face. “Okay enough.”

Sasha offered him a pill. “Painkiller,” she informed him. “And it looks like you’re gonna wanna spend the night here.”

Roman nodded.

“What about your family? Won’t they want you home?”

Roman smiled a strange kind of smile. “I wish,” he whispered. “I wish.”


	8. Rogue Nails

Logan had agreed to hang out with Patton that Sunday, for some reason. He didn’t really like going places, but he knew it was good to get out sometimes. Besides, he liked Patton. They were sitting in his basement playing a video game. Logan’s internal computer was quickly collecting data about the game, an effect he couldn’t control, and he was therefore destroying the levels at an increasing speed. Patton, on the other hand, couldn’t play a video game to save his life.

“I don’t like this game,” Patton complained, tapping uselessly at the controller. “There’s so much killing.”

Logan laughed, eyes still on the screen and carefully operating the game controls. It admittedly did feel good to be in control of something. “You need to grow up.”

“So ‘growing up’ is the equivalent of ‘being violent’?” Patton pouted. “I’ll pass. I can just stay a kid forever.”

“No, you cannot do that.”

“I can try.”

“Well, I wish you the best of luck.”

With that, the screen went black and read ‘GAME OVER’.

“Come on Pat, look what you did. Now we lost.”

Patton giggled and was about to answer when Logan suddenly felt a stabbing pain in his left arm. It felt as if he’d been shot.

He gasped in pain, doubling over, then stifled any further reaction as not to scare Patton. He gritted his teeth and rose to his feet.

“Logan?” Patton looked suddenly concerned. “What happened? Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” he forced the words out. “I… I just remembered I needed to call someone. I’ll be right back.”

He stumbled out of the room, making a call to whoever was currently on duty, hopefully not Elliot. He didn’t need to use a phone, just the technology already inside his mind.

Jay picked up pretty quickly.

“Hey Logan, anything wrong?”

“Yes! What did you do?”

“I… don’t know. I don’t think we’ve done anything recently. What do you feel?”

“Only like I just got shot!”

“Where?”

“Shoulder.”

“Okay, I’ll check in here, you call Roman and see if he felt anything.”

“Oka-”

Jay hung up. Logan sighed, pulling out his cellphone. He could have used the link and called him directly, but he preferred at least pretending to be normal.

He picked up on the sixth ring. He sounded flustered and annoyed.

“Oh. You. What do you want?”

“Did anything… weird happen just now?”

“Depends on your definition of weird. Why?”

“Because I feel like I’ve just been shot in the shoulder and they want to know if you felt it too.”

“Oh. oh. Okay. That’s not good. I’ll be over in ten, we all need to talk.”

“Okay, I’ll be there. See you then.”

Logan hung up, then poked his head back in. “Hey Patton, I have to go. Family emergency.”

Patton looked disappointed, but understood. “Aw, okay. See you tomorrow.”

“See you.” Logan quickly exited the house and started heading back towards the building, calling Jay on the way.

“Roman and I are both on our way over. He says we need to talk.”

“Okay. See you soon.”

When he arrived, everyone was already there and Roman was just showing up.

Once they were all inside, Logan started the conversation.

“So what happened?”

“Okay.” Roman took a deep breath, sitting down slowly. “Here’s what happened to me. Someone shoved me into the wall, and my shoulder gets poked by a rogue nail that’s in there because there are certain people who are not capable of utilizing a hammer. Well, that’s not the point. Anyway, I was cleaning up the blood and changing my shirt when Logan called and told me his shoulder hurt.”

Everyone looked at each other. “So what does that mean?” Jay asked.

“It means,” Elliot answered, “that connecting you two had some unexpected results.”

“Okay, now just sit still.” Sasha was addressing him, as he’d asked that if he had to do this, Sasha could be the one doing it. She gently held his arm, pressing the sharp end of the blade into his skin. He watched the blood slowly well up and start dripping. He bit his lip.

Roman was rubbing his own arm on the other side of the room. “Yes, definitely, ouch, goddamn!”

“Okay, that’s… interesting.” Mr. Axel had been called in to work with them on this problem. “It seems like whatever pain one of you might feel, the other also feels, but amplified.”

Logan looked over at Roman, annoyed. “So that means-” he slammed his arm into the chair, hard enough to bruise.

“Hey, quit it!”

“Boys, let’s act mature about this. This is a very serious breakthrough.”

Breakthrough. Interesting. That’s what it was to them.

“Is it reversible?” Logan asked. No one answered him. “Is it going to be like this forever?”

No answer again, until Roman muttered, “Sure hope not.”


	9. Risks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, finally a new chapter! And it's long! This one took a hot minute because I've got three new one shots and the beginning of a fantasy AU out. I really need to focus on one thing at once.

His phone was full of texts that he had yet to answer, both Patton and Virgil were concerned about his well being.

_ ‘Kiddo?’ _

_ ‘Can you text me back?’ _

_ ‘I’m worried about you Lo’ _

_ ‘Logan please stop ignoring my texts you’re scaring me’ _

_ ‘I’m sorry for what I did’ _

_ ‘Please answer me I’m freaking out’ _

_ ‘You better not have done anything stupid’ _

He knew he should answer them, he had no reason not to, he just couldn’t bring himself to do anything but stare at the ceiling. He didn’t even want to look down at himself, when he didn’t like what he saw. He turned his phone around and around in his hand, trying to pull together enough energy to open it. 

Instead he threw it across the room. Not very useful, but satisfying nonetheless. He buried his hands in his messy hair and screwed his eyes shut, willing the part of his brain that was his own to just shut up for once. The small pains coming from Roman’s clumsiness to just go numb.

Just for a few minutes.

That was when his phone rang from across the room. If someone had to call him, it must be important. He sighed, steeling himself to get up and go find it. Checking the caller ID, he found it was Virgil calling him. 

Anxious as always.

He pressed accept, lifting the phone to his ear. He tried to sound as normal as possible as he offered a “Hello?”

“Jesus fucking Christ Logan, do you have any idea how bad you scared us?”

“I, um, apologies?”

“We had no idea! You could have killed yourself! Me and Pat  _ thought  _ you’d killed yourself!”

He responded to that the only way he knew how. “Pat and I.”

“Oh my God.” A pause, and a sigh. “Can we talk in person?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. Can I come pick you up in ten?”

“That’s fine.”

“Alright. What’s your address?”

Logan gave the address, knowing Virgil would find the place he lived strange, but having a hard time caring about that right now. It wasn’t like he would know. It wasn’t like it mattered if he did. 

He waited outside for Virgil, messing with his cellphone, not really doing much of anything. A black beater car pulled up shortly after, and he joined Virgil in the front, preparing himself to get lectured. 

The other boy was silent for a long moment, chewing on his lip as if he was trying to figure out how to word something as not to upset him. His bangs fell into his face, making him look tired and young. 

“Look, Lo, here’s the deal. We’re really, really worried about you. We’ve both been in dark places before. Please, you can trust us. Just tell us what’s going on with you.”

“I…” Logan shook his head, unsure how to answer. “I just feel like I don’t understand anything. Not myself, not my emotions, not other people...”

Virgil nodded slowly, pulling over in front of a park. “I get that. Can you tell me about the bruises on your wrists?”

Logan sighed. He wasn’t sure how to tell that story without one somewhat major element. 

“Several years ago, I made a… poor decision. Your concerns caused my legal guardian to believe that I had recently made a similar poor decision. He is not the most gentle of people, and believed that physical restraints were the best option.”

“Oh, Logan…” Virgil seemed to be at a loss for words. He gently took Logan’s hands in his own and, for some strange reason, Logan let him. 

“I… I’m so sorry that happened to you. You’re worth more than that. You deserve better.”

“I-” Logan looked away, face flushing a little, and tried to take his hands back. “It’s nothing. I’m all right now.”

“But that’s the thing. It’s not alright.” Virgil held on to his hands firmly. “You didn’t deserve that, and you need to believe it.”

Logan shook his head, voice breaking despite his best efforts to keep it even. “There’s so much you don’t know.”

“Hey, it’s okay. Whatever you’re feeling is all okay.” Virgil carefully, tentatively wrapped his arms around Logan, rubbing his back. “It’s okay. Just breathe.”

At first, he froze, but then slowly felt himself relax into the touch. So what if Virgil found out? He probably wouldn’t anyway.

As he began to lean into the embrace, he felt a small  _ click  _ in his chest. For a moment, he hoped it might mean nothing, but he felt it again. Something was off with the machinery, but he wasn’t sure what. He wasn’t familiar with this particular issue. 

But as the small defect clicked in his chest again, he felt it click in his mind too. This had happened before. And it was not good. He jolted away from Virgil, brain working overtime to remember how to fix it. 

The memory resurfaced, along with the instructions he had downloaded. It was a pretty complex solution, and the worst bit - he couldn’t do it on himself. Someone would need to open a panel in his back and adjust the wiring. 

This was a problem, seeing as if it wasn’t done in the next three minutes, he would start shutting down. 

“Logan? You okay?”

“No. Can you do something for me? It’s an emergency.” He tried to stay calm and articulate as always. 

“Uh… yeah. Sure.”

“Okay. Great. First you have to promise not to freak out.”

“Now I’m freaked out.”

“No. God. Okay. I’ll explain later. For now just listen to me, alright?”

“Uh, yeah. Yeah. I can do that.”

“Okay. Great.” With that reassurance, he yanked off his shirt. 

“What the fuc-”

“Don’t freak out! Just listen.”

“I… Explain? What the hell, Logan?”

He turned his back to Virgil. “Do you see the metal panel? It should have a small button on it.”

“Um, yeah, I see it. What’s going on?”

“Push the button. The panel will open.” 

“What the-”

“Do it!”

He felt Virgil tentatively push the button, and he felt the panel open.

“Holy-”

“Okay. Good. Now, take the red wire that’s on the top of the rest of them. Do you see it?”

“Yes, I see it, Logan, please, this is too weird-”

“Take it and unplug it from-”

“No! I can’t do this!” He could hear Virgil’s breath speeding up, could almost feel the panic. 

“Yes you can. Please. I might shut down.”

“Logan, what does that even mean? Is this why you’ve been acting so weird? I-”

“ _ Unplug the red wire from the bottom of the opening. _ ”

Thankfully, the other boy obeyed, and Logan felt the change. “Okay. Now just take the  _ yellow  _ one and plug it in to where the red one just was.”

Logan could hear Virgil hyperventilating, trying to calm the shaking in his hands as he plugged in the yellow wire. 

“Okay. You’re doing fine. Now grab the green one and take it out of the green rimmed opening.” He waited for Virgil to finish before continuing. “Now put it into the  _ yellow _ rimmed opening.”

“O..okay..”

“Alright, almost done. Take the other red wire and pull on it. I’m going to pass out, but I’ll wake up after you plug the blue wire into the blue rimmed hole and close the panel.”

“I can’t-”

“Please.”

“I’ll try.” 

As Virgil pulled the red one out, Logan felt the world spin and fade to black. 

After he snapped back into the world and took a second to get a grip on reality, the first thing he saw was Virgil gasping for breath and shaking in the seat next to him. He still couldn’t move his legs, but he gently placed a hand on the other boy’s shoulder.

“I’m really sorry about that.”

“Oh my God, Logan. You’re  _ sorry _ ? You have a  _ lot  _ of explaining to do.”

“I know. First, just breathe with me. In for four. Hold for seven. That’s good. You’re doing fine. Out for eight. Okay. One more time for me. In for four…”

After he had regained control over his breath, Virgil turned to Logan, who shrank back a little in his seat. The aspects of him that reminded Logan of Elliot were suddenly all too prominent. 

“Do you need to go to a hospital or something?”

Logan shook his head. “Just back to where I live. If you don’t want to take me there I can call someone.”

“No, I’m taking you. And I’ll be expecting a full explanation later.”

“I know.”

They arrived shortly, as they hadn’t driven far. As Virgil exited the car, Logan realized that he still could not move his legs. Perhaps he had given Virgil a wrong direction, or this was just a side effect of… whatever had happened. 

As Virgil called, “You coming?” He felt his face flush. 

“It seems that I can’t move my legs. I apologize, I can just call someone right now-”

Virgil interrupted him with an annoyed sigh, before scooping him up like a baby. Logan, used to being manhandled, didn’t protest.

As he carried him inside, Logan fought exhaustion. He  _ would not _ fall asleep in Virgil’s arms. 

Finding that Sasha was the only one currently present was a relief. She quickly had him in bed, and he tried to listen, but he couldn’t hear the conversation she was having with Virgil.

As he strained to hear, he heard her annoyed sigh for the next room. “Logan, just go to sleep or I’ll make you.”

He rolled his eyes. “Okay, mom.”

“Yes. That’s right,” she informed him, turning off the lights and closing the door. “The grownups are talking.”

He scoffed and flopped over to his side. As much as he didn’t feel like sleeping right now, he couldn’t fight the loss of consciousness for much longer, and he wasn’t entirely sure if Sasha had forced sleep on him or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, comments are always very much appreciated! I'm going to go ahead and say now that I'll try to have the next chapter out by next Tuesday so I can hold myself to it and not drift off.


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